4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
