i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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