That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Are my feet made of real feet?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
