i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
