so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
