i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
