went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i think my cat just said my name.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
