My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
