Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
