Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
