and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
