I think scott just propositioned me for sex
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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