he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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