chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found puke in my bra..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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