I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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