I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
