I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
