I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
