my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
