I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sext me about skeletons
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
