I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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