I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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