I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm too high and old for this...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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