That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
