smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My pussy is not your playground.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
