FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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