Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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