awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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