Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
