there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
