Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
