I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
