In the future we'll all be gay
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
