I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
