I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
