This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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