i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
