I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
