I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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