i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
