just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
