My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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