It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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