Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm at about main and main street
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
