I feel like everything in this room is sweating
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
