Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
