Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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