I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
