I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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