He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
