note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
