So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
