I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
