well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
