Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize