Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
