i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
