Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
