Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
