george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
