I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
