No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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