Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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