Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
