so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
