Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
